“Teen Spirit”
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What life.
Friday, October 18 || 10/18/2013 09:57:00 PM
My life is rotten right now.
Not even once have the thought of happiness ever filled my head.
Why, thank you very much.
You are the fucking cause of it.
You knew I was still having my exams.
Is it necessary for you to fucking come in and destroy my mood?
Is it that hard for you to not speak sarcastically?
Is it that hard for you to understand that I need time alone, peace.
Do you even care? That's the question.
I do not think so.
You are so full of yourself.
It's always about you.
Since when it's about me?
You want to shape me into that girl you couldn't be last time, but I am not your fucking puppet.
You might be the one who gave me life but you're not the one to shape my future.
I respected you but you gave me no respect.
You didn't respect me, you didn't respect your own husband nor did you respect your own mother.
Everything you said will always be right while all of us will be wrong.
Grandma told you about my suicide thoughts. You said I was lying. You said she was lying. You said I was nothing but exaggerating. You fucking think I was lying. You even told me to go ahead.
What a mother.
I got mad. I kicked the table till it broke.
Dad and grandma was worried about my mental state but did you?
All you cared was about that stupid table.
I told myself to not have suicide thoughts anymore but you just had to remind me about my sad life. Ask Anatta, he knows I was getting more positive but you just had to push me back down again.
Everyday I had to knock myself on the head so many times to remind myself to focus in this piece of shit.
Everyday I had to remind myself that everyone has to go through it, it's just another phase.
Then you yelled at me this morning again.
You said I was showing my temper for not talking. Wrong.
I was trying to stop another fight from happening. But you just had to bring up everything again.
I know you loved me but must you do this? Mothers comfort their daughters when they're sad while you accuse me of not chatting all day long and not studying. I studied okay? I tried my best but did you notice? All you see was the bad side of me!
I'm sick of you thrash talking everyday
In sick of you insulting about my appearance all day long.
I know I'm not that perfect daughter you want. Since you hated me so much, why did you born me at the first place?
I should be aborted!
Now, I'm really devastated.
You wanna see me die isn't it?
