Teen Spirit

“Teen Spirit”

Lights gone, days end.

Monday, December 31 || 12/31/2012 01:25:00 AM

Not a good start for a day before New Year.
Woke up earlier than usual, get dressed all ready for today's outing with the gang.
I was really looking forward for it because, well who isn't happy hanging out with their best friends.
I was busy downloading songs into the new app, and suddenly I received a call.
Looked at number, a very very familiar number.
Answered the call, and then lightning just fucking struck on my mind a few times.
They said that they canceled this outing because they're not allowed to go out.
I was pretty pissed off, lose tempered at her, practically yelling.
Why make plans when you're not sure that you can make it?
Why make plans when you know you're grounded?
How stupid could you be?
So I yelled at her then she said bye and I threw the phone to the bed.
I was really really angry.
For them, I told the other dancers I'm not joining them for tonight's New Year Count Down party.
For them, I woke up early.
And now, they just let me down, just like that.
How many times I told them to plan properly before saying it out?
This is just pathetic.
I really hate it when people make promises they can't keep.
I think probably everyone hates that and yet people just kept on making these empty promises.

I was disappointed.
No one to talk to.
I wanted to tell the dancers but well, what difference could they make?
I might probably end up like that retard-with-last-minute-plans.
I willing to spend my day alone then making such impression of myself to others.
Well, at least I have my childhood friend with me.
At least someone understands.

Thank you, you just ruin my day.

Touch.

Friday, December 14 || 12/14/2012 09:21:00 AM

tomorrow is the day.

Wait it's already Saturday now, so it's much more appropriate to say it as, XX hours before the event starts. I suppose to be sleeping now, but well, I just felt like writing something before going to bed, since I don't know how to express this to my friends. You see it's kinda weird. My mind is functioning weirdly these days.

Today, to be honest, it's actually the first time I danced with my partner with his hand on my waist. It was, comfortable. Man I sounded like a pedo now. Our hands are both clenched together and his other hand on my waist, and me screwing up the steps. I might be a dancer, but ballroom is seriously not my forte. I never had the sense of cooperation with my partner, two different people, different personalities? Maybe not. I'm just quite shy about it at first but still put on that " I AM A FUCKING PRO" mask.

Lately, I had been craving for love. I crave for a guy to care about me? More hugs, more holding hands and stuff. Seriously, humans are so warm. Know I understand why we're said to be the God's best creation. A touch is simple, yet deep. The warmth from the second party just seeps into your skin and tingly waves just starts to form in your heart. And... Maybe younger men aren't that bad at all. Age really is a number.

well, good night.

so lost, so cold.

Thursday, December 13 || 12/13/2012 08:22:00 AM

Happy Hug day to all of you .

I'm not feeling very happy now, in fact I'm quite tired and lost.

Too many things are going through my mind lately.

The confusion in my head is just unbearable sometimes.

I tend to over-analysed things till I made myself into some creep.

I met many people during the holidays, and most of them are really cool.

Juniors were awesome, my schoolmates are just plain crazy and hyper ( which made them awesome too ) and the seniors are... friendly. Well how do you expect seniors to be all crazy with us juniors.

Lately, I started having the love signals from my heart again, but I was not sure the signal is directing to which anonymous person. You can say that I'm partially surrounded by males all the time now. But, my head is having thoughts about 2 person, which... I'm not so confident about. I made up tons of reasons, tons of them to shed them off my mind.

A younger man and an older man.

Both still new to me.

Never dated anyone younger than me, older? Well maybe not to the extend of a more than 3 years age gap. So they're both like new creatures to me, new identities in my life.

And... I don't know why was I convinced that they will never like me ( that's what my brain said ), but deep inside I had this slight hope that they will like me.

I said they didn't I. I'm such a greedy bitch. ( ; A ; )

I don't know who to choose.

Sometimes we just want more and more and more, but in the end of the day, only one will belong to us.

I'm just lost now.

Really lost.

I think someone should seriously create a " Love-track GPS "