Teen Spirit

“Teen Spirit”

In those lenses.

Tuesday, September 24 || 9/24/2013 07:31:00 AM

I was never photogenic. In fact, I looked pretty hideous in candid shots. I have a fat face, no jaw, small eyes, huge teeth and flabby arms. That pretty much sums up my appearance in pictures. Yes, it was pretty devastating/awkward to see myself being tagged in these photos where everyone was looking fabulous and then there's me, standing there smiling like a retard.

I have tons of friends who looked gorgeous on camera. They can pose whichever they want and achieve the perfect magazine-like photo effortlessly - whether it's captured by another person or probably just another "selca". They still looked good.

Well, being the "not-so-attractive-one" among the group of beautiful ladies, my self-confidence went down hill. I guess most ladies who are not so photogenic could easily related to this.

Imagine.

Your friends are all ready for a group-photo. All of them were giggling away happily, having so much fun. Then, there's you by the side, hoping to look as good as you can, picturing yourself inside your head- what kind of angle should your head tilt to achieve that "V-shape" look, how should you place your torso so it doesn't make you look like you have a flabby tummy, or maybe covering up some of your "not-so-camera-friendly" parts, like the blemish on your flat nose or that huge pimple on your forehead.

The moment came.

3,2,1... CHEESE!

"Come over and take a look at the picture!" Says the scumbag photographer.

So, all of these ladies squirm over and started hogging the tiny iPhone screen just to look at the picture- just like an army of bumblebees swarming over a tiny chunk of pollen grain.

As usual, we as humans tend to have the habit to mirror the actions done by the majority...

After taking a good glance at the picture, I bet most of us went from Hero to Zero.

You wanted the photo to be retake again, but then you thought to yourself,

"It would probably end up with the same devastating results again. Horrid."

You gave up.

Well, the good side is that we're living in the 21st generation where your smartphones could answer your jolly retarded questions and your cameras will have to eat the food first before you land you spoon and fly into your mouth to allow your taste buds to savor the taste. It's a computer age. Smartphones now come with a front camera that allows you to use it as a mirror.

Mirrors.

We always look good in mirrors right?

That's the point!

Well, it will help a little. Just a little because you will end up having pictures that will totally contradict with your candid photos.

Selcas : LIL HOT MOMMA

Candid shots: MOMMA GO BACK INTO THE KITCHEN.

The truth always hurts, doesn't it?

Sigh**

Sleep deprived. Crazy.

Thursday, September 5 || 9/05/2013 04:26:00 AM

I've been awake for 17 hours already.

I was supposed to be productive but I guess, the plan went off the lane. I ended up singing with an empty stomach till 1 pm and rushing my chemistry revision with distractions from my laptop halfway through the whole process.

I thrashed my whole day.
I didn't go to school, I didn't actually finish up my homework and right now, I've decided to skip tuition as well.
Knowing that I've been practically a useless potato today, I began to panic. Slapped myself a few times on the cheeks to keep myself awake as well as a punishment to myself. Still, I was not satisfied at all. My mind tells me to knock my head on something hard, like a wall or my desk, but I was rational enough to stop myself from doing such nonsense.

Grandma forced me to shower then eat dinner. I was too cranky to do anything. Just took a shower, feel slightly fresher but I don't think it's giving any help. Food? I'm feeling nausea right now. So, fuck food.

While I was in the shower, thinking about how I was going to spend the remnants of my day with this bitch attitude of mine, I began crying for no apparent reason. Sleep-deprived really did affect me badly. Saddening memories, flashbacks all started playing tricks in my head. I began to remember every single critiques and nonsensical comments that people threw and spat at me.

Drama queen.

You're just acting your own drama.

Can you please stop being so melodramatic?

Asshole.

Arrogant bitch.

I'm amazed by my selective memory. I guess my brain really puts these depressing memories inside a hardware while my study plans and some other useful informations? Probably discarded and sent to the junk mail category inside my head.

I'm not bipolar. I don't have a depression and of course I don't have Shizernophrenia. I am a healthy young lady who is sleep-deprived.

However, I have to admit.
Whenever my head is throbbing, I get great ideas.
Cool.