Teen Spirit

“Teen Spirit”

What life.

Friday, October 18 || 10/18/2013 09:57:00 PM

My life is rotten right now.

Not even once have the thought of happiness ever filled my head.

Why, thank you very much.

You are the fucking cause of it.

You knew I was still having my exams.

Is it necessary for you to fucking come in and destroy my mood?

Is it that hard for you to not speak sarcastically?

Is it that hard for you to understand that I need time alone, peace.

Do you even care? That's the question.

I do not think so.

You are so full of yourself.

It's always about you.

Since when it's about me?

You want to shape me into that girl you couldn't be last time, but I am not your fucking puppet.

You might be the one who gave me life but you're not the one to shape my future.

I respected you but you gave me no respect.

You didn't respect me, you didn't respect your own husband nor did you respect your own mother.

Everything you said will always be right while all of us will be wrong.

Grandma told you about my suicide thoughts. You said I was lying. You said she was lying. You said I was nothing but exaggerating. You fucking think I was lying. You even told me to go ahead.

What a mother.

I got mad. I kicked the table till it broke.

Dad and grandma was worried about my mental state but did you?

All you cared was about that stupid table.

I told myself to not have suicide thoughts anymore but you just had to remind me about my sad life. Ask Anatta, he knows I was getting more positive but you just had to push me back down again.

Everyday I had to knock myself on the head so many times to remind myself to focus in this piece of shit.

Everyday I had to remind myself that everyone has to go through it, it's just another phase.

Then you yelled at me this morning again.

You said I was showing my temper for not talking. Wrong.

I was trying to stop another fight from happening. But you just had to bring up everything again.

I know you loved me but must you do this? Mothers comfort their daughters when they're sad while you accuse me of not chatting all day long and not studying. I studied okay? I tried my best but did you notice? All you see was the bad side of me!

I'm sick of you thrash talking everyday

In sick of you insulting about my appearance all day long.

I know I'm not that perfect daughter you want. Since you hated me so much, why did you born me at the first place?

I should be aborted!

Now, I'm really devastated.

You wanna see me die isn't it?

Sugar-equation

Tuesday, October 1 || 10/01/2013 10:26:00 AM

It was a quiet night. The night was extraordinarily silent, the usual symphony of chirping crickets or the screeching sounds of fighting cats can't be heard. The silence just seemed to crawl up onto my skin, causing goosebumps and a slight eeriness. Fear began rushing into my veins, as it slowly flow down from the brain to the rest of the blood lines in my body. I quickly tiptoed and took my headphones, plugging it into my iPhone and blasted the music. The alternative music playing did some justice in this overly quiet situation, but the feeling is still there.

The feeling of emptiness.

I took tiny sips from the cup, savouring the sweetness of jasmine green tea which slowly turned into this blant taste, leaving a weird stench in my mouth after a while. I don't know why am I still drinking this artificial powdered drink. I guess it had officially became a habit of mine to drink it at least once a day, like a caffeine addiction - except that mine was more of a sugar addiction.

Sweet food never actually get my liking. I'm quite puzzled by the ability of some people in consuming food or beverages that are clearly way too sweet for the body. It's like they were indirectly pouring tons of packed sugar into their mouth, moving along the oesophagus into the stomach, then transforming it into glucose hence diffusing into the blood capillaries providing energy- excess energy for the body.

"desserts are girls' best friend. "

Is this the reason why they're so likable and sweet? Is this the reason why bakeries and cake shops are gradually increasing around the world, spreading the joy and those killer compounds to the people?

If desserts makes people feel happy, does that mean that sugar brings joy? Too much sugar will lead to various of diseases, which might brings death. So, does that mean that joy actually symbolizes death? Does that mean that a meeting with the Grim Reaper means the start of our happiness?

Joy = desserts = sugar = diseases = death.

Conclusion : Joy = death

Equations?

Of life?